Promise
by C for Do Dur
Summary: Rin knows he has to tell Haruka, but he just can't. He doesn't want his boyfriend to worry about him. He doesn't want to give up his dream. Maybe he just isn't brave enough. Prequel to "Rin's victory".


_Free!_ does not belong to me. Neither does _High Speed!_

* * *

_**Promise**_

.

Haruka doesn't have nightmares very often.

However, when it happens there is no way Rin misses it. He always is abruptly brought back to conciousness when he hears his boyfriend's terrified whispers, when Haruka kicks and punches everything around him like he's trying to fight something nobody else can see. And although he'll never admit it, Rin always wakes Haruka up because he simply can't stand seeing his face so full of fear.

Tonight, however, Rin finds himself unable to help Haruka to run away from his nightmare. He merely holds his boyfriends in his arms, trembling as much as him as he realizes that forgetting what he's been thinking about all day is not possible.

Rin hasn't slept even a few minutes; it's four in the morning and he doesn't think he will; he's too afraid of what he might dream about.

A muffled cry tells Rin Haruka is awake; he sits up and looks at him, his bright blue eyes shining, reflecting the dim light that comes through the window. Rin averts those eyes on purpose.

"Are you okay?"

He feels Haruka's hands grasping his t-shirt.

"I think so. Are _you_?"

Rin opens his mouth, thinks about the words that have been struck in his mind all day, the truth that is so heavy in his chest that Rin can't breath properly; he tries to speak, and changes his mind when he gathers the courage to look at Haruka again.

"Yeah. I just... can't sleep," he answers, hugging Haruka tightly and placing a kiss on top on his head.

Haruka doesn't reply. Maybe he believes Rin. Maybe he wants Rin to think he believes him. Either way, he falls asleep again, this time without being haunted by some nightmare.

Rin tries desperately not to cry, but he just manages not to make any noise as bitter tears run down his face.

He hates lying to Haruka, but he isn't brave enough to tell him the truth.

.

As he lets Haruka wrapping him up in blankets, Rin realizes (again) that he _needs_ to tell him. Haruka deserves to know.

"You should go see a doctor," Haruka says, sitting next to him in the couch. Rin lays down until his head is on his boyfriend's lap and enjoys the warm feeling as Haruka strokes his hair. "You've caught a cold again."

Rin clenches his teeth. It's _not_ a cold, and he knows it too well.

"I'm not going," he replies. "They wouldn't let me swim."

Maybe that's why he hasn't said anything yet. He told the doctor to keep his mouth shut; he knows he won't get to swim at the Olympics if he starts his treatment now, and Rin doesn't want it. He _needs_ to go there. For his father, and for himself. Because he's been waiting for this moment his whole life, and he certainly won't give up when his dream is so close that he can almost touch it.

And for Haruka. They sure as hell will swim together at the Olympics.

But Rin can't deny that he is sick; he can't ignore that this is the fourth time in a month when he feels too weak to even pretending to be all right. He's losing his appetite, and although his times keep fine he feels utterly exhausted after swimming every day. And it doesn't seems to get better.

"Maybe you should stop swimming for a while," Haruka suggests, his voice oddly indifferent.

Rin looks at him, knowing his face is too pale. _Does he knows?_, he wonders, pain and embarrassment and sadness mixing inside him. _No, it's impossible... He's just speaking up his mind_.

And it must be painful for him, too, Rin realizes when he looks into his eyes. His voice is the only thing about Haruka that can pretend he doesn't mind the idea of Rin stopping swimming.

"I'm _fine_," Rin says stubbornly, for the third time today.

"No, you aren't," Haruka replies. He catches air. "You keep catching colds," he snaps angrily. "You should rest until you're fully healed."

Rin closes his eyes, suddenly scared that Haruka might read the truth in them.

"Stop making this such a big deal, Haru. It's _just_ a cold."

.

The day Rin finally stops pretending everything is fine, Haruka is the only one who is with him.

Rin is in the pool, trying to regain his breath after being swimming all the morning. Haruka has already gotten out and walks towards the shower. Glad that he hasn't realize how tired he actually is, Rin tries to climb to get out too, but he finds his arms oddly weak.

Rin falls back into the water, the transparent liquid invading his mouth, his throat. He moves his arms, suddenly not knowing how to swim, seeing the building's bright lights even through the water. He's sure he is going to drown -he hasn't strength enough to pull himself up- until something lifts him. Rin coughs, spitting water, as the _something_ lays him on the floor and slaps his face gently.

"Rin," whispers the _something_. Rin's vision clears a bit and he discovers Haruka's worried face above him. "Say something."

Rin is barely awake that he's shaking. His vision blurs again, making Haruka dissapear, and he feels a growing terror inside of him.

He manages to grab his wrist before the world fades to black.

.

Rin opens his eyes to a painfully white ceiling. Frowning, he looks around trying to figure out where he is, but stops when he spots Haruka sitting in a green chair beside the bed Rin is, looking through the window.

For some reason, the fear comes back. Rin tries to speak, but he barely can say Haruka's name. He's _so_ tired.

Haruka looks at him.

"Good afternoon," he whispers. Rin blinks, feeling something wrong with him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine-"

"Sure," Haruka seems angry. "You shouldn't have swum today."

_He knows_, Rin realizes. He can't blame Haruka for being mad at him.

"Sorry."

Haruka says nothing. _He's very angry_, Rin thinks. When Haruka is upset, he doesn't scream nor throws tantrums. He just stands there, emiting silent waves or fury and glaring whoever he's mad at. Rin supposes he deserves that angry blue eyes fixed on him.

"I wanted..." he starts, not really knowing what he wants to say.

"You're an idiot," Haruka replies. "You..." He looks down. "Why didn't you tell me?"

The anger is gone. Rin can hear the pain in his voice. He wants to hug Haruka, but he doesn't think it is a good idea. Not right now.

"I told you, they wouldn't let me swim," he says.

"You told me it was a _cold_," Haruka snaps. "One after another, and I knew it was a lie, but I thought if it were something serious you'd do something about i..."

"I want to swim. I want to go to the Olympics with you and..."

"I don't care about the Olympics," Haruka cuts him off. "I don't even care about swimming if..." he seems not to be able to finish his sentence. "You're sick. You have been for _weeks._"

Rin looks at the blankets. They're white, too. He hates white.

"I thought... I'll start the treatment after we swim," he whispers.

"You won't." Haruka sounds so determined that Rin can't help but look at him again. "You're starting-"

"I want to swim!" Rin doesn't realize he's raised his voice. Haruka doesn't seem impressed. "I've spend _years_ training for the Olympics, and I won't give it up because of a damn-"

"_I don't want you to die._"

Haruka doesn't scream. Actually, he barely mutters those words, as if just saying them is scary for him. Rin stops talking. He doesn't say anything in a while.

"I..." Rin holds out his hand, and he feels deeply relieved when Haruka grabs it. "I'm not going to die."

Haruka stands up and lean on the side of the bed, still with Rin's hand in his. The unspoken words fly between them. _You don't know it. The illness might be stronger than him._

"But you can't swim," Haruka whispers, and Rin can tell how much it hurts him. He's nearly begging. Rin knows what he wants, and he also knows that it's difficult for the two of them.

"I won't," Rin replies, biting down his lip. And then, the hardest decision he's made in his life. "I won't swim at the Olympics."

Haruka smiles. It's not a happy smile.

"I'll swim for you," he states, as straightforward as ever. It takes a few seconds for Rin to register his boyfriend's words, and when he does, he sits up, reaching for Haruka with his other hand and pulling him into a hug. "Hey, don't cry."

Rin shakes his head, realizing it's true. His tears taste salty now, and Haruka's embrace is warm. He tries to stop crying, but he can't; he's scared and he doesn't want to die and he's angry because he won't be able to swim, and he's _so sorry_ for not telling Haruka and relieved because he doesn't hate him and he will do the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for Rin.

"You'll win," he says.

"You'll get better," Haruka replies.

_It's a promise._

* * *

_Author's note_: Someone suggested I could write a precuel to _Rin's victory_. I'd already thought of it, but I didn't plan to write it as soon. But... here it is.

Reviews are highly appreciated and I absolutely love reading what you think :)


End file.
